Mirrors

I was surprised by my emotional response upon seeing the second batch of my file.  I had anticipated that it would be a little more impacting on me than the first lot, but even still i was surprised.

Reading the staff members' written accounts of the various events, particularly the more traumatic ones, left me with a sense of haunting nostalgia of my grip on reality being hijacked.  Even though i have come to terms with this experience on many levels with the support of God and safe people, i really felt like i did four years ago when i had just finished my 12 month stint in the Sydney home.  That is, mentally stranded between two polar opposite realities and captive to lies.

Poker face

I find it hard bumping into former Mercy people sometimes, whether they be staff or client.

For a long time after i left, i felt the pressure that many other former clients felt...

"Yeah, i'm great! Oh, it was amazing. Praise God. Yep, i'm all better now. I'm just like one of those girls in the videos".

It was hard to know that any other girl besides myself was struggling (or "making bad choices"), but a number of years on, even the girls i thought were really 100% on top continue to struggle with the issues that brought them to Mercy.

As i am one of the girls who fought for their client files, my name is known to their Lawyer. I am also part of the Mercy Survivors network, an attendee at CIFS meetings (a cult watch support group) and the author of a blog that discusses Mercy amongst other things.

Mercygate

Since around the beginning of the year, myself and some other fellow survivors have been involved in a struggle to have our respective client files released to us.

(Some coverage of this can be found here, compliments of Sean the Blogonaut).

As this is public domain, I will speak only for the situation involving myself.

When all of this began, I fasted and prayed my heart out, considered scripture and discussed the issue with a few wise friends.

After much delay and Mercy’s subsequent refusal, a bunch of phone calls, intervention of a Lawyer and the Privacy Commissioner and further delay, I received an incomplete file.
Prior to my appointment on Tuesday evening, I did not expect that I would feel troubled by its contents. In fact, I did not expect to feel anything at all.

No rust

When I was a baby, my parents went on a really long drive in a sweltering heat wave to see this car. They had asked the lady over the phone if it had any rust. "No rust, no rust".

So they get there and the lady comes out to meet them. They start looking at the car. My dad opens one of the doors and it falls off.

Lady looks at him and then runs inside. She locks the door.

Mum knocks a couple of times but she won't come out.